2011 has been a truly incredible year for me…so full of God's Love, His Goodness and Faithfulness…His Power and Provision…I have grown and grown and grown on so many accounts…but maaaaan I gotta say hand on (broken) heart (lol) it has also been a flipping painful year. A crazy year where I have felt like I have been thrown in a superfast washing machine…on the highest speed setting…where I have endured a highly aggressive, hot, pre-wash cycle where all the dirt and hardcore grime has been removed…and I've had untold rinses and spins at different paces and temperatures…and still I don't even know if I am anywhere near the last cycle - let alone when I will eventually come out super laundered and smelling yummy!! Haha!
Seriously - when I entered this year I was like Yaaay…destiny…greatness… crazy faith…blah blah blah…I had it all worked out in my head and I WAS READDDDY!! Soooooooo hilarious. But obviously it didn't work out like that!! Hehe! Don't get me wrong - the spiritual progress I have made upon my high places has been mindblowing!! When I think of all that God has perfected in me and helped me overcome and apply in my life I am seriously h.u.m.b.l.e.d. Yet with all that I have learnt and encountered and been trained by in 2011…I still find myself coming to the very last day of this truly significant year feeling a little bit battered and bruised from the painful process of it all! And oh me gosh - the process is still not finished yet!!! Eek! And as I enter 2012 - a year so momentous, significant and promise filled…how will I walk into it without wondering if this new year is just going to be more of the intensely bittersweet training, purging and pruning that 2011 has bought me…
No matter what, the biggest part of me will always perceive every new day, new month and certainly every new year with an innate sense of anticipation, joy and hope that invariably comes from being saved, loved and freed by an Eternally Faithful and Loving Father - who I know will do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine for each one of us - therefore I am more than expectant of superfabulousness in 2012 and the amazingness that it will bring. Yet if truth be told, there was actually a little whisper in my head causing the experiences of 2011 to almost disable me from entering into the new year with cartwheels and somersaults - instead I felt sober and calmly hopeful but not tooooo excited in case it just brought more of the same fiery, heart breaking trials of the previous year - and so rather than cartwheeling, a small part of me almost felt more like I was going to be limping into the new year…
BUT THAT WAS BEFORE THE MOMENTOUS MOMENT THIS AFTERNOON! Hehe! Soooo there I was feeling like a wounded lamb…corny but cute… no seriously…if you don't know why there's images of Jesus with a lamb all over the place…let me share…because when I heard about the reasons behind the image, it totally summed that whole year up for me! I had heard Joyce Meyer share this a few days earlier - you gotta love a bit of Joyce don't ya…anyhoo the story behind the lamb being held by Jesus in all the cute picturesque scenes is based on a practice carried out by shepherds - apparently when they want to train the lamb to stay close and not duck out on the Shepherd, he breaks the lamb's legs and the lamb can't walk or go anywhere - and during the entire healing process the shepherd carries the lamb around with Him, up close and personal and tends to the lamb causing it to become so utterly dependent on the shepherd, that it would never ever want to be away from the shepherd even when it's broken limbs heal again. When I heard that I was like "oh my gosh that's me…I'm the lamb…I AM THE LAMB!!!!!" Rather melodramatic I know…but it all made sense - because here I was being carried by the Good Shepherd, so close to Him…so dependent on Him yet feeling wounded and in pain because I felt like all me little limbs had been broken. So I went to God with this feeling of brokenness this afternoon on the very last day of this year and I sat ready…waiting for Him to speak to me because I really just couldn’t bear entering even a new day let alone a new year with all these wounds…do you know what I mean? And really needing a shift in my mindset I asked Him to speak to me through the Bible.
And this is what Abba Gorgeous Almighty showed me…
Hebrews: 12:11-13:
For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness--in conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God]. So then, brace up and reinvigorate and set right your slackened and weakened and drooping hands and strengthen your feeble and palsied and tottering knees, And cut through and make firm and plain and smooth, straight paths for your feet [yes, make them safe and upright and happy paths that go in the right direction], so that the lame and halting [limbs] may not be put out of joint, but rather may be cured.
(NIV: No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.)
And then He spoke this in to my heart:
Yes Bobs I know that you feel as if you have wounded limbs, but it's all good in the Christhood - because I am carrying you and will meet your every need. And even though the process of training can be a total bummer- full of pain and discomfort - what happens as a result of that process is truly magnifique!! Though this time of discipline is not pleasant, you have to find comfort in the fruit that you will bear as a result of this process. You will be conformed to my will. It will bring your heart, mind, soul and deeds into right standing with me. But I want you to be invigorated and erect, to stand firm and be strengthened so that your path in this process will be smooth and not crooked. Let your path be happy - have the right attitude - and go in the right direction - because if you slack and become weak your healing limbs will be put out of joint and in this position the lame can be disabled longer than necessary. But if you let me perfect a work in you and choose to be reinvigorated and strengthened as I lead you in this process then you will find that the wounds and brokenness that have caused you to be lame, will heal smoothly and be totally cured!
Yippeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Instant mind renewal!! How amazing is that? God is just so Beautiful!! I love how He is always so real. So ready to help you in your time of need and how in a split second He will just flip turn the script and change your way of thinking!! So YAAAY I didn't have to go into 2012 limping! On the contrary - I had a choice to enter into the new year strengthened and rejuvenated in God. I had the full assurance that in God ordained processes He always makes provision for the wounds too. So I am strengthened. I stand firm. Suddenly I am ready for whatever 2012 will bring - even if it simply more of the same, because ultimately it is all worth it and after all, He works all things together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purposes…
And get this - the glorious beauty of it isn't that He is going to lead me through the coming year (that’s a given) but the beauty is that He is with me in my moment of need…in my NOW…the ever-present help… carrying me…leading me moment by moment…I realised afresh that I don't need to work out the year ahead with God…I just have to breath Him in NOW…being filled…consumed and possessed by all that He is…in this very moment…LIVING IN THE MOMENT WITH HIM & NOT WASTING A SINGLE SECOND…after all isn't that what days…years and entire lifetimes are made of?…Moments?
OH Wow…Smiles…I think I feel a cartwheel coming on…x
