I clearly have been under the impression that I'm some sort of Superwoman graced by God to just keep going...to do everything that needs to be done no matter how tiring, how strenuous...or how demanding, but alas I think the truth has caught up with me and I realise that I simply can't do all the stuff I undertake...and so it has dawned on me that for a long time I have been pretty darn burnt out!
See because I don't do the normal 9-5 drill and don't have to wake up at the crack of dawn each week day and then spend 10 hours a day on the go I have made an assumption that I'm getting rest at my gaff every single day as generally I work from home. But that's simply not true because my mind has not been at rest. It has not been switched off...my phones been going...my email keeps pinging...social media is always there in the background...I always have deadlines...I'm constantly rushing and basically I never actually switch off! Sounds familiar anyone?
It wasn't until I went to David's Tent this weekend for four days of blissful worship...no emails...no network...no stress...no deadlines...no responsibility...no work to do...that I realised just how under pressure and unrested I actually was. It's all totally my fault! Maaan that's simply not how I want to do life. I want to take time out to rest. I want to switch off. I want to have long periods of my day when I don't respond to any emails...I want to let go of responsibity and just worship...or just chill...or just really listen...or just chat without needing to do something of importance.
And only I can do that for myself right - only I can set boundaries in place...only I can say no to stuff and yes to proper rest. Only I can switch off my phone or iPad...only I can delegate...it ultimately boils down to me and how I choose to steward this body, soul and spirit God has given me.
And there's no condemnation - I have chosen to give myself and commit myself fully to things, to people, to projects that I am so passionate about...stuff that I truly believe in and want to champion and support...there has been an incredible grace over my life to serve with all that I have...but I also recognise that I am entering into a season of rest...and its kind of scary...but I don't want to fight it...I believe it's good for my being to engage with this rest and let the pace of my life slow down...I don't know what that looks like...I don't know how even to do that...I don't know how it will effect things around me but I do realise that if I don't rest and obey God then the grace will inevitably lift from the season I've been in then I'm not going to be any good to anyone if I do carry on going sixty miles per hour...when God is telling me to rein it in.
So I find myself aware of a new season. Unsure of how I'm going to navigate into it day by day...but confident it's from God. His goodness is compelling me to rest. I would definitely love to foster a lifestyle that includes regular rest...intentional rest...I don't necessarily mean just spiritual rest...I mean physical and emotional rest...a place where you feel so physically rested and recharged in the mind that you see clearer...you think fresher....you dream with fresh fuel and passion and you are recharged and motivated to keep running this beautiful race called life. Yet without rest your vision is blurry...you lose sight of your dreams...you feel weary...you get bored...you get slightly frustrated.
At David's Tent as I worshipped for days without any interruption I realised just how much I had needed to come away from the demands of daily life. I saw just how weary I had become with well doing...crazy right? But that's what happened. I was so weary. Too weary to dream. To weary to hope for a glorious future. To weary to engage. Too weary to fight.
But now I'm back baybeeee and it feels soooo great. I am dreaming about destiny again...fully energised...full of hope...hungry for the Word and seeking more and more of God. Rest...true rest...not the type of rest you get when you flick the telly on for an hour...or go for a sauna...or have a massage...as good as those things may be...but true rest goes deep...it causes everything to switch off until it fades away...true rest enables you to start again completely refuelled. It enables you to feel energised and stronger. Full of soul harmony. I sure don't want counterfeit rest in my life...I want proper deep rest that restores and heals...that strengthens and sharpens...and I want to make sure that moving forward that's the sort of rest I have in my life on a regular basis and if that means saying no to myself or others about doing stuff I'm going to have to learn how to do that...eek not sure how haha but I'm gonna get there. I hope we can all get there. It's not easy. In this constantly active Western world something is always always happening and to be able to master the art of rest in the midst of a whirlwind lifestyle will bring incredible benefits and I for one would like to experience them. x