I recently had the privilege of being part of another #themagnifyconversations with the wonderful platform that is The Magnify Collective. Surrounding by beautiful aesthetics, hair, make up, stunning flowers and lovely lovely women, it was a joy to have a conversation with Marcia Cassidy and Rachel Holland about the pressures we often face from societies deadlines.

It ended up being a conversation that was so deep and vulnerable as I opened my heart about money, ministry and marriage. I shared how being on this journey with the Lord had not been sexy Christianity. Although laying my life down for the Lord has been my greatest honour and all by His grace, but at times obeying Him has brought seasons of perceived stigma and shame that I have had to wrestle through.

For example, living by faith for almost ten years without a solid income and simply relying on God for every single thing has brought me the most beautiful revelation of God’s glorious faithful nature and the miraculous life like I could never has imagined. Yet it has often felt pants not having the simple luxuries that most people take for granted. Or continuously being on a budget for years and not being able to spend money on things that most people don’t bat an eyelid at.

Then there’s marriage. For me, marriage has never been at the top of my list of priorities. I have desired it but I have desired other things more. I have never wanted to simply be married for the sake of being married - rather, I have only wanted marriage if it will add glorious value to my relationship with the Lord and be a blessing for myself, my husband and the Kingdom of God. And if that isn’t what marriage will bring then I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole and I am so crazy blessed to just continue be romanced by Jesus for the rest of my life, fully complete, fully satisfied.

Yet in my beautiful romance with the Lord I have also trusted Him to bring me my husband, if that is His will for me, whenever He wants to and sometimes there has been a stigma attached to not being found yet, that I have had to wrestle through. I have found myself experiencing shame when people have highlighted the fact that I am not married yet, like it’s a curse. And that me not being married doesn’t glorify God. And that has grieved me, because I never expected to be put to shame for not being married. Or for obeying His leading and following what I believe to be God’s perfect will for me life.

And then I have had to process all those thoughts and grapplings and places of pain and disappointment that these societal and church world pressures have stirred up in me and asked the Lord why He has allowed me to be put to shame, when I have sought Him first and His kingdom and trusted that all other things will be added unto me. And then I have asked Him why it hurts if I am content in His extravagant love, His timing and His faithfulness. And bring all that to Him. Because though I am so secure in my devotion to the Lord and so confident that anything I don’t have yet, I don’t need or I cannot handle. Yet there are wounds in my soul that He wants to heal.

Being honest about this stuff during this conversation was made easy by the beautiful Marcia who shared so candidly about her own experiences on this journey of navigating through societal pressures. It felt very holy and sacred. And the feedback from the conversation has been so encouraging. I do believe that we came at this convo from a place of Biblical depth, vulnerability, strength and hope. And so I pray that if you do watch it, you will be super blessed and encouraged. Because we certainly were.

Magnify is such a powerful platform for women of faith and I feel very privileged to be in the mix. I highly recommed staying up to date with all things Magnify!

#magnifycollective #womenencouragingwomen #womenoffaith #trustinggod #godisfaithful #trust #wearesoloved #community